Unbelieveable....

You know, it's a hard thing when people don't believe in you. But worse still, when your parents don't believe in you. Take this for example.....

I was trading war stories with a fellow driver recently, who regaled me with this story....

A fare of his from the airport to the university here was a mother and her daughter. They asked him to take them around various places getting the daughter registered for classes at the university.

During these little jaunts back and forth, it became apparent to my friend that this girl was more than a little ditzy.

After dropping her off at her dorm, the mother asked to be returned to her hotel. After a few blocks, my friend asked the woman what her daughter was majoring in.

She simply replied, "Oh, we don't really care." To which my friend asks, "Well, what is she interested in?"

"Well, we don't really know," she says. My friend is flabbergasted at this. Out-of-state tuition has been known to be $40,000 a year at this college!

The woman finally understands what my friend is getting at and says, "Sir, I have no delusions about my daughter's ability. She's here to do two things, get screwed and get knocked up, and I just hope it's by the right guy."

Unfuckingbelieveable. I've said it for years that the rich have some screwed-up values. But this takes the cake......

The Delusions Of Idiots Are Truly Amazing...

And amazing furthermore that they are usually college students! Tonight was a night I NEVER want to repeat, but it will from time to time.... over and over. I had a string of three orders that didn't show up, cancelled when I got there, or worse still, call a friend at the same time and cancel while they were getting IN the cab!

So, seeing as most of my in-town dispatch orders were eaten up with stupiditis, I opted for an order outside of Charlottesville, which only went three miles.... Now, I'm starting to get disgusted.

Coming back into town, the dispatcher is calling for a van on the far end of town the entire fifteen minutes I'm driving back in. The order is dispatched to me, and it becomes a Mongolian clusterfuck.

The phone number is not right, so I can't call them. After three attempts circling the building, I give up and leave.

When I am 15 blocks away, the dispatcher asks me to return because these idiots are "coming outside now". I return, and after calling these morons back, they are NOT at the address given, they are around the corner at the other end of the lot!

Now, I'm getting pissed. Surprise, surprise. Same group of silly bitches that cancelled the cab because their friend showed up right after I did. They get a message that the party they're going to is getting shut down, and say something about getting out of the cab (the meter was only around $2.30 by then). Now I'm going nuclear. Then they ask the STUPID, stupid question, "What do you do when that happens?"

I finally lost it. I simply replied, "I do my level best not to try to answer their call again."

Again, a STUPID, stupid question. "Why is that?"

I replied as calmly as I could, "Because I buy my own fuel, upkeep my own vehicle, and I don't have time, money or patience to drive across town to pick someone up that isn't worth wasting it on. I've made two trips across town for you tonight, one of which you cancelled when I got there, one of which you made me make two trips and then want to stop before you get two blocks."

Needless to say, after dropping these idiots off, I asked dispatch to note in their computer system to NEVER send me for that phone number again.

There's One In Every Crowd....

Gotta love this one just for the irony...

First, let me start out by saying last night was rough. Steady, but rough. Seems like most of the drivers for this company went home at midnight. I guess they were going to turn into a pumpkin...

Anyway, after a string of bad luck, I was sent to a "prestigious" bed and breakfast east of town. People that stay at this place are notorious for being cheap, at least in my experience.

I arrive for the pickup at 3 am. I should have started the meter when I got there. Despite calling their front desk and being informed that the customer had been told the cab was there and waiting, it was 3:25 before we actually got moving, because A) one of these morons had an open beer, which is against state law to transport, B) another of these morons couldn't find her purse, C) once she found her purse, she couldn't find her phone. Are any of these MY fault? NO.

Even though moron #3 was in the cab around 3:15, she asked that I STILL not start the meter. Figuring they would make up for it in tip, I stupidly did not, costing myself $10.00 in wait time.

Long story short, these morons kept me waiting 25 minutes and tipped me less than a dollar. What kept me from giving it back and saying they needed it more than I did, I'll never know. I think I was just resigned to the fact that the night was going to suck.

Where am I sent once I dropped these idiots off? Right back to the same "prestigious" bed and breakfast. Turns out the couple I was picking up that time were supposed to have caught the ride with the idiots I had just dropped off.....

Once I heard that, they got a FULL report, and they were embarrassed by the way their friends had acted. I'm sure they mentioned it to their friends.

I found out that these people were here for a wedding, which was costing them nothing. And they want to fuss about paying for wait time holding up a taxi?! My new rule is: If I come to pick someone up, they get two minutes. Meter starts at that point, and I don't care how much you whine or bitch about it, because I can't count on you tipping that much.

People, when you call for a taxi, it's not the driver's fault if they arrive before you're ready. It's your fault for calling for a cab before you're ready. Every minute you hold us up is time lost from another fare, especially when you're stupid enough to keep a driver waiting nearly a half-hour. You're keeping us from making our living. Get over yourselves.

The Irony In This Just KILLS Me.....

Okay, so last night my phone rings.... totally caught me off guard because it hasn't rung for an actual taxi call much in the past year. Usually friends, etc....

It was a female student who has not called me in over a year and a half. I asked where she'd been, and she responds, "I thought you had gone out of business." Jesus, the irony here. I'm going out of business BECAUSE people like her have been using this stupid rationale to not call me!

When in reality, I know why. As I said before, these people will ride a Sherman tank if it gets them there cheaper. I know who they've been calling. The limos that are running as taxis illegally. The shuttle buses that are in no way, shape, or form, legal.

I said, "Well, ma'am, the irony in this is that I AM going out of business this weekend BECAUSE people like you haven't been calling me."

"Oh, we'll start calling you..." blah, blah, blah. Yeah. Sure. It's a little too late for that now.

She was in a large group, and wasn't even part of the group that rode with me. Whatever. She did call later.... Want to know how THAT call went? Keep reading.

She called and told me she was at a bar about two blocks from where I was. No problem, I'll be there in about thirty seconds. I told her I would be on the Market Street side of the building, and which way to go to find me.

Here's a map to explain what happened next. Locations are circled in red, street names are circled in blue to show locations in relation to each other.


Forty seconds later, some people I assumed to be with her group approached the van and got in.

Four blocks later, my phone rings again for Call 2, wanting to know where I am. Keep in mind this position on the map is a guess, because she didn't even know where she was for sure. I informed her that I thought I had her people because I had told her I would be on the Market Street side "Where I Am". Before that call was over, she put her friend on, who said they were on Water Street. I told her I would be back as soon as I dropped the people who had gotten her cab.

Call 3 came two minutes later. They had determined where they were on Water Street, and it was pretty obvious that they were walking. I told them that I would not be able to find them if they continued walking, because they would not be where they said they were.

Two minutes after THAT, in comes Call 4. Still walking. I told them that I was on my way back to get them, and that they needed to stop walking or I would not be able to find them.

I arrive at THAT location 4 minutes later. Calling her back got the response, "Oh, we got another ride." And just when was she planning on calling me to let me know about this?!!!

People like this are too stupid to be left unsupervised, and I really hope that she reads this and sees how stupid she was being. People exactly like this doing stupid things exactly like this are part of the reason I am going out of business.

Here's Your Sign..... Again!!!

Now to outline the utter hell I went through in California....

Should have been simple, drop the car off to the lady's family there, and they were supposed to get me to the bus station to catch my train back.... Riiiiight.

I was dropping the car off in Aptos. I was getting very sick, and still had to drive 700 miles in about 12 hours. I had a reservation with Amtrak to catch a connecting bus out of Santa Cruz, near there, at 5:25 am. That bus was to San Jose, about 25 miles away, where I was to catch a coach train to connect with the scenic California Zephyr train back east.

Speaking with these folks the night before, it was agreed that to avoid waking them, I would nap in the car until they woke up once I got there.

Due to apparently insufficient aptitude to look in the driveway, this guy is sitting in his living room, wondering if he should call me. I wake up at 5:45, and my bus has departed 20 minutes ago.

Then it took an act of God to get these idiots to understand that simply dropping me at the bus station was not going to work now, because I was going to have to pay an extra $200 that I didn't have to reschedule my train tickets.... Not to mention the fun of waiting in a bus station for two days!

And they didn't even seem to WANT to help me make my train. Pretty fucked up, I thought, considering I slept in the car to avoid waking them when I got there... Not to mention it was their fault in the first place!

By some miracle, I managed to make my train with 4 minutes to spare. Moral of the story? Want something done right, do it yourself! I am definitely not going to California if and when I relocate.... I was not impressed with anything about the state.

Another Here's Your Sign Story..........

One night this lady comes up to my silver and blue Grand Marquis with the company name down the side of it, top light blazing, and says, "Are you a taxi?"

I just looked at her and said, "Nope. Doctor says I should sit in the car more often. It's healthier."

Couldn't have gotten a better look on her if it had been planned. Nice lady, but she just wasn't thinking.

More Idiotic And Narrow-Minded Thinking......

Okay, you all know by now that my primary business is running an independently owned and operated local taxicab service. Here is yet another story to illustrate how some people don't use their head for something besides a hat rack. We are all entitled to our opinions, but some people base their opinions on precisely the wrong aspects of the situation. Case in point......

About the time that the Democratic nomination for the 2008 election was still up in the air, a group of yahoos get in my taxi one night. The subject of the election comes up in the conversation, of course. They ask me if I think the country is ready for a black president, to which I replied I don't really look at that sort of thing, I decide based on whether I think the candidate will serve the common good (yeah, right, since when does the U.S. government do that?)

One of the yahoos seemed shocked at the revelation that Osama (I mean, Obama -- Did I say that out loud?) was black, or part black, whichever the case may be, and asks, "Is he really black?"

Another yahoo said, "Well, he's black enough."

Amazing. Simply amazing that some people are still that ignorant in this day and age. Does anyone know when we will all wake up and realize that blood is red, no matter the color of the skin it flows beneath? There are good and bad people in every walk of life and every race.

Too many people generalize based on their (very limited) experience. I have my own opinions about the presidential candidates, again, based on my (limited) experience in hearing their position on issues, etc. But does this really matter when the ELECTORAL COLLEGE is what really decides the president-elect?

Seriously people, that system has rendered the people's popular vote worthless. I, for one, still plan to vote, but I know in the back of my mind that our votes don't really decide the election. Since becoming of age to vote, I have seen at least two elections in which the president-elect did not win the popular vote. Food for thought......

Another Here's Your Sign Story......

Okay, so tonight this couple gets in my taxi after leaving a bar (surprise surprise). The guy is lit up like the 4th, and starts pawing at his girlfriend. She shoves him away and says, "I'm not your whore, don't treat me like a whore."

Having noticed something when she got in the car, I started snickering. She got this superior, hoity-toity attitude and snapped, "What's so funny, SIR?"

I couldn't resist. She had asked for it -- quite literally. She was wearing a halter top that read, "Can You Afford Me?"

She was so oblivious I just didn't have the heart to say it......

A REAL Here's Your Sign Story.....

Okay..... admittedly, this one happened quite a while ago.... but I just had to share.

For the uninitiated, the Blue Collar Comedy Tour features several down-home comedians that have their own unique spin on comedy. My personal favorite is Bill Engvall. His main routine is "Here's Your Sign". The basic jist of it is the idea that stupid people should have to wear signs that say "I'm stupid".

Example -- "My wife and I were moving to California a year ago, our stuff's packed up in boxes and a U-Haul truck is in the driveway. Our neighbor asks, 'Hey, are you moving?' I just looked at him and said 'Nope. We just pack our stuff up once a week to see how many boxes it'll take. Here's your sign.'"

Another Example -- "I went hunting awhile back and got a nice buck. I had the head stuffed and mounted. Friends of ours were over one day and said, 'Hey, you kill that thing?' I just looked at him and said, 'Nope! He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.'"

Well, here's MY "Here's Your Sign" Story.

A few years ago, I was driving for the local Yellow Cab. I was dispatched to pick up a student at one of the local hangouts and bring them to their residence on their college's charge account.

I was driving a bright yellow Ford Crown Victoria with 10-inch lettering that read "Yellow Cab" and a big yellow roof light that read, "YELLOW".

This student walked up to the cab and said, "Are you with Yellow Cab?"

After a moment of thought, I straightened up and looked out over the yellow-painted hood, leaned out the window to examine the lettering on the yellow-painted door, and said, "Nope! Stole the car and I'm joyriding. Here's your sign."

The student, in turn, produced a cell phone and started dialing. Puzzled, I asked, "Ma'am, you DID call for a taxi, didn't you?"

She replied, "Stay where you are, I'm calling the cops."

Believe it or not, she actually believed I was serious about stealing the car! How do some of these kids even graduate HIGH SCHOOL, much less get into college?

So just out of sheer morbid curiosity, I wait 10 minutes for a cop to show up. He knew me, so when he asked me what the problem was, I said, "Ask Buffy The Vampire Slayer over there."

After he talked to her, the girl walked away with a strange expression on her face. Either she'd figured out how stupid she was, or she didn't believe him. He came back over shaking his head and said, "I know it was a stupid question, I know it was funny. But please don't do that again."

Then he laughed all the way back to his cruiser.

Here's Your Sign......

People have a really annoying tendency to leave their cell phones and wallets in public transportation vehicles. Hey, it happens. Everyone is forgetful sometimes.

But one very annoying habit that people have when they leave such things in taxicabs is that they expect us to bring it back to them at no charge.

One girl left a $300 phone in my cab one night -- and got pissed because I charged her $10.90 on the meter to bring it across town to her!

Let's look at this for a second. We're burning fuel to bring it back to you that could have been used to run a fare. We're also not available for a fare while we're bringing it back to you (if you want it right now, as most people do). Not to mention the fact that it's not our fault you left your belongings in the cab in the first place.

In my case, most people are lucky to even get it back, because of the fact that I'm not a major company, and no one knows who I am, so that they can call to check. I do, however, make an effort to find the person it belongs to.

So, if you ever leave such things in a taxicab, don't get mad if we charge you to bring it to you. Remember that we didn't make you leave your belongings in the cab. Also, think about what it will cost you in money, time and aggravation to replace your phone, or credit cards, etc. Be glad that you're getting it back without that hassle.