Unbelieveable....

You know, it's a hard thing when people don't believe in you. But worse still, when your parents don't believe in you. Take this for example.....

I was trading war stories with a fellow driver recently, who regaled me with this story....

A fare of his from the airport to the university here was a mother and her daughter. They asked him to take them around various places getting the daughter registered for classes at the university.

During these little jaunts back and forth, it became apparent to my friend that this girl was more than a little ditzy.

After dropping her off at her dorm, the mother asked to be returned to her hotel. After a few blocks, my friend asked the woman what her daughter was majoring in.

She simply replied, "Oh, we don't really care." To which my friend asks, "Well, what is she interested in?"

"Well, we don't really know," she says. My friend is flabbergasted at this. Out-of-state tuition has been known to be $40,000 a year at this college!

The woman finally understands what my friend is getting at and says, "Sir, I have no delusions about my daughter's ability. She's here to do two things, get screwed and get knocked up, and I just hope it's by the right guy."

Unfuckingbelieveable. I've said it for years that the rich have some screwed-up values. But this takes the cake......

The Delusions Of Idiots Are Truly Amazing...

And amazing furthermore that they are usually college students! Tonight was a night I NEVER want to repeat, but it will from time to time.... over and over. I had a string of three orders that didn't show up, cancelled when I got there, or worse still, call a friend at the same time and cancel while they were getting IN the cab!

So, seeing as most of my in-town dispatch orders were eaten up with stupiditis, I opted for an order outside of Charlottesville, which only went three miles.... Now, I'm starting to get disgusted.

Coming back into town, the dispatcher is calling for a van on the far end of town the entire fifteen minutes I'm driving back in. The order is dispatched to me, and it becomes a Mongolian clusterfuck.

The phone number is not right, so I can't call them. After three attempts circling the building, I give up and leave.

When I am 15 blocks away, the dispatcher asks me to return because these idiots are "coming outside now". I return, and after calling these morons back, they are NOT at the address given, they are around the corner at the other end of the lot!

Now, I'm getting pissed. Surprise, surprise. Same group of silly bitches that cancelled the cab because their friend showed up right after I did. They get a message that the party they're going to is getting shut down, and say something about getting out of the cab (the meter was only around $2.30 by then). Now I'm going nuclear. Then they ask the STUPID, stupid question, "What do you do when that happens?"

I finally lost it. I simply replied, "I do my level best not to try to answer their call again."

Again, a STUPID, stupid question. "Why is that?"

I replied as calmly as I could, "Because I buy my own fuel, upkeep my own vehicle, and I don't have time, money or patience to drive across town to pick someone up that isn't worth wasting it on. I've made two trips across town for you tonight, one of which you cancelled when I got there, one of which you made me make two trips and then want to stop before you get two blocks."

Needless to say, after dropping these idiots off, I asked dispatch to note in their computer system to NEVER send me for that phone number again.

Are People Really This Lazy And Disgusting?

Just went to vacuum my van, and some asshole decided to stick their used chewing gum on my carpet, and it apparently was there all last night. It's been stepped on and rubbed into the carpet.....

Things like this are why taxi fares are expensive, people! It costs money to have things like that cleaned. I mean, seriously, was someone really that lazy and disgusting to just stick their gum on the carpet in someone else's vehicle? Whoever you were, jackass, I hope you choke on the next piece of gum you chew.....

How Much More Can I Take?

Without a doubt, this just was not my day. 7 hours to get one fare from the airport, which went 3 miles. Even with a minimum airport charge of $25.00, it wasn't worth it..... I worked 11 hours tonight for $47 and a "fuck you, I'll stand in the street if I want to" from a group of frat brats. This, after I almost hit their stupid asses standing in a poorly-lit street, wearing all black. Smart?!!!

The Longest Day Of The Year.....

Ah, Foxfield...... that wonderful time of year when the frat brats get all dressed up to go drink themselves silly in anywhere from 70 to 90 degree heat. Smart. Very Smart. Very Very Smart. BRILLIANT! I know from experience that alcohol and heat do not mix.

A friend of mine in the business has been working with Foxfield's management for the past two years to get extra taxis on hand, because quite frankly, there aren't enough taxicabs or buses available in the area for this event.

Anyway, long story short, this year was a Mongolian clusterfuck. Changes have been made to attempt to make things go smoother, and there were too many people that thought they were chiefs and not enough Indians. And I think everyone that you had to get past to get in was told something different by management. Long day, but not a bad one overall, I guess.

Darwin Award Candidate of 2002.......

During fraternity / sorority rush week at the university, I got a call to a rather populated area of the main fraternity / sorority area.

The house was dark, and no one answered the phone. I was just about to leave when a guy steps out of the bushes, stark naked except for tennis shoes and something hanging around his neck.

He reached for the door, and I asked, "May I help you?" He says, "I called for the cab." Of course, I'm doing a Spooner from I, Robot.... "Oh, HELL, no!"

The guy runs and jumps in front of the car. One way street. "Wait, wait!"

"Brother, you don't have clothes, therefore, you don't have any money."

He produced a $50 bill, to which I responded, "You've got 30 seconds to explain this. It better be good, and I'm promising nothing."

His "mission" to get into the fraternity was to take a taxicab 3 times around the fraternity area...... stark naked........ mooning everyone along the way.

I was not in the least interested in being part of this debacle, but he told me no one else would do it either. "There's a reason for that," I said. "Cops catch us, they could yank my taxi permit."

I finally told him if he brought some clothes with him, at least I would be able to say he had clothes on when he got in the car.

What neither one of us was counting on was a girl hiding in the bushes outside a sorority with a big Super Soaker..... the kind with a huge tank on it? YEAH. Not only was it a 40 degree night, she was a crack shot, no pun intended.

He was soaked, my back seat was soaked, and both of us were trying to figure out what had happened. When he saw her approaching to nail him again, he yelled, "Go, man, go!!!"

I responded, "Let's get one thing straight. I'm doing this in the interests of my interior, not you." He wound up walking a couple blocks naked that night. Served him right. Took two hours to dry my seats where they could be used again.

He happened to be with a group of his friends that called me later that year. He recognized me, but I didn't recognize him (big surprise, he had clothes on this time). When I realized who he was, I asked if he got into his fraternity, which he had. "Was it worth it?" I asked.

"I don't know, I've been drunk ever since." Ah, the naivety of youth.

More Frat Brat Stories.......

Some time ago, when I still ran a Chevrolet Lumina for a taxicab, I had a call from a female UVa student to pick up on "Beta Bridge" as it is commonly called.

This idiot did not tell me she had 9 people. I legally cannot take any more passengers than I am insured for and have seatbelts for. I am insured for up to 6, but my vehicle only had seatbelts for 5.

I have had this situation many times before, so I have implemented an overload charge of $10.00 per extra person as a deterrent. If I am going to do two cars' worth of work, I am going to be paid for two cars' worth. It is only fair.

So this girl got pissed off because I charged her $20.00 extra for 4 extra people. This becomes a two part story.

Two months later, I observed a group of people on the sidewalk just off of the Downtown Mall. It is 4:30 in the morning and just about every cab in town is proceeding to the after hours club, and not even paying any attention to the Downtown Mall, because nothing is open there at that hour.

This moron darts into the street in front of the car, and I am still not sure how I didn't hit him. I told him it wasn't smart to run out in front of a moving car, and he ignored me, saying "Can you take us?" I told him if I took over 5 people I had to charge extra, to which a familiar face said, "Oh, that's that weirdo guy."

Weirdo? Okay. I locked the doors and started driving off. They started yelling and waving for me to stop. Nope. Don't think so. I went around the after-hours club and picked up a nice fare going across town.

Unfortunately, one side of the club is on a one-way street and I had to drive past these morons again. Again they waved and shouted. Again I drove on by.

Five minutes later, my phone rings. It is a customer that happens to be in the same building these jackasses are hanging around, waiting for a cab. I told him that I would call him when I was close, because I knew they would try to take his cab.

He was a little slow getting downstairs, and the same idiot that almost got clipped earlier runs up to me and asks if they can get the cab. I told him I was picking up someone who had specifically called me, and he said, "If they don't show up, can we get you?"

"No," I replied.

"Why not?" he asked.

I leaned out the window and said, "You see your little hoity-toity blonde friend there? I heard her call me a weirdo earlier, which is why I left you earlier. I will be happy to drive past you guys fifty more times tonight without picking you up."

"Why?"

"Because I don't need anyone's money bad enough to let them judge me or disrespect me, that's why. You kids need to learn that you're not better than anyone else in this town. You don't own this cab, you don't own me, you don't own this town, and you sure as hell don't own anyone else in it. Have a nice night."

My customer approached, and away we went into the night.

Frat Brats Explained.......

Okay, to explain my catchphrase 'frat brats'. Frat brats are college kids who come into a town, and think because Mommy and Daddy are paying $30,000 a year for their education, that they can disrespect, judge and just generally treat anyone however they want.

I have seen these jackasses jump on newly painted taxicabs and run down the length of the body from hood to trunk. It is not your car, moron. Would you like me to jump on your new Mustang that Daddy bought you for high school graduation and put dents in the roof?

I have seen them dump recycling bins containing empty beer bottles and let them roll out into the street where vehicles run over them and cut tires. I have seen them walk out into traffic without looking, without a crosswalk anywhere in sight. Rule of thumb, moron. You're just as dead if I hit you, whether you're a student or not.

They act like we are killing them by refusing to cram 10 people into one cab, because "we're going to tip you good." Are you going to tip me $250.00? Because that's the fine if I get stopped for being overloaded. Are you also going to pay my bills while I have to appeal to the City Police to get my taxi driver's license back?

I have had them kick my cab when I almost hit them because their stupid ass was walking in the street, six inches from a perfectly good sidewalk. Again, no crosswalk in sight.

Right of way, does not mean you have the right to stand in the way of traffic. It means, within a crosswalk, you have the right to cross first. But you don't cross the street. You take all night, standing in the street talking to your jackass friends, that are here for the same four-year drinking party that you think you are here for. Hence, I call you 'frat brats'. Prove me wrong and show me some respect, and I'll show you some respect. Give and take.

Here's Your Sign......

People have a really annoying tendency to leave their cell phones and wallets in public transportation vehicles. Hey, it happens. Everyone is forgetful sometimes.

But one very annoying habit that people have when they leave such things in taxicabs is that they expect us to bring it back to them at no charge.

One girl left a $300 phone in my cab one night -- and got pissed because I charged her $10.90 on the meter to bring it across town to her!

Let's look at this for a second. We're burning fuel to bring it back to you that could have been used to run a fare. We're also not available for a fare while we're bringing it back to you (if you want it right now, as most people do). Not to mention the fact that it's not our fault you left your belongings in the cab in the first place.

In my case, most people are lucky to even get it back, because of the fact that I'm not a major company, and no one knows who I am, so that they can call to check. I do, however, make an effort to find the person it belongs to.

So, if you ever leave such things in a taxicab, don't get mad if we charge you to bring it to you. Remember that we didn't make you leave your belongings in the cab. Also, think about what it will cost you in money, time and aggravation to replace your phone, or credit cards, etc. Be glad that you're getting it back without that hassle.