I realized I have not mentioned the situation with the girl I met up with over the summer, mainly because I have been sifting through the wreckage for about two months now. We'll call her Mary.
The trouble is, it's not even "Mary" that really has me down. There were signs that things were not going to last long with her even before she started asking me for a relationship. I've come to find that sometimes age DOES matter, from a responsibility and maturity standpoint.
She destroyed my trust not long after she asked me for a relationship, and despite giving her some time to get my trust back, she failed. Not long after, I found that someone else I had wanted in the first place, had told me she wasn't interested, when she really was. We'll call this girl Jill. Jill then told me she was interested but couldn't go further with me because of my involvement with Mary. I can only vaguely understand this position, because she had every chance to tell me how she felt, and it never would have happened.
However, being the type to never say die, I tried for awhile to convince Jill to overlook Mary's prior involvement. On one or two occasions, I thought I might have changed her mind, but both times, she let me down.
Maybe she didn't intend to, but Jill got my hopes up and crushed them twice more. I have now given up, and feel like a fool for even trying, but my feelings for her were much stronger than I thought, and I'm torn between believing her apology and thinking that it was all a game. Once, I can forgive. Four times is much harder.
Bob Marley, aside from his music, is famous for saying, among other things, "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." But how can you know if ANYONE is?
One of my favorite quotes is from the 2004 remake of "Flight Of The Phoenix". One of the best lines is, "I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can't give him that, just give him something to DO."
As of now, I am heartbroken, my dreams of scoring a recording/publishing deal are all but dead, and I am jobless. So what do I do now?
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