After 14 years of veritable silence, I had a long overdue and much-needed conversation last night. I don't think I have all the answers I need yet, but I did get the major one I needed.
Going back to 1996. (Yeah, that's a long time) Certain individuals (mostly parents on both sides) were interfering with my relationship with someone I really cared about, up to and including making both of us feel like we were doing wrong. When she moved several states away for a job after only asking if I minded her going, I felt cheated out of what I wanted, simply because someone else didn't want me to have that.
Even though I suspected at the time that she might feel the same way about what was happening to us, I never knew for sure until last night. There was always the thought in the back of my mind, that perhaps I did something wrong, or there was something wrong with me.
Now I know that this isn't so, and I think the uncertainty was keeping me from moving on. I've been talked down to all my life by various people. That I wasn't good enough. That I didn't belong. That I don't deserve to be happy. That there's something wrong with me.
Perhaps this isn't really over with, just a means to start healing. I don't fault her for any of it. She did what she needed to do, and I just wanted her to be happy. She didn't do anything wrong except forget to say it wasn't me. When someone that makes you happy leaves you without explaining that it isn't you or anything you did, it will make even the strongest person doubt themselves.
Showing posts with label on. Show all posts
Showing posts with label on. Show all posts
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
This Might Be It.....
Several potential buyers have approached me about my business recently, and they are slowly starting to warm up to the idea of what I feel my business is worth. One made an offer very close to what I am asking a few days ago, and may offer more within a couple weeks.
Checking out a few facets of another potential business venture today, it is becoming clearer and clearer that my best option is to sell, fix up my motor home, and take the money and run. I thought about getting a CDL and buying a road tractor to haul freight, but somehow I think I would be facing the same problems I have as an independent taxi cab operator.
Checking out a few facets of another potential business venture today, it is becoming clearer and clearer that my best option is to sell, fix up my motor home, and take the money and run. I thought about getting a CDL and buying a road tractor to haul freight, but somehow I think I would be facing the same problems I have as an independent taxi cab operator.
Monday, February 8, 2010
A Stay Of Execution......
Against my better judgment, I renewed my taxi insurance. Haven't had what I consider to be a reasonable offer on my business, though I am starting to wonder if I shouldn't take what I can get and run.
However, even though I supposedly have another job lined up, it hasn't been confirmed yet. So I think I'm better off to ride this out until I know what's going to happen.... Keeping my fingers crossed, but I guess sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
However, even though I supposedly have another job lined up, it hasn't been confirmed yet. So I think I'm better off to ride this out until I know what's going to happen.... Keeping my fingers crossed, but I guess sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.
Monday, January 25, 2010
My Exit Strategy.....
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about a lot of things. I have possibly found something good in someone in Arizona, who is trying to go to Nevada. I have been considering Nevada for a long time anyway, but have not been able to save the money to relocate. I actually have not even been able to repay money borrowed to stay in business. It is time to cut my losses and run.
I should have seen this coming. In 2006, I had a reasonable amount of money saved. I burned through a third of that in six months, at which point I barely had enough to replace my taxi when it died. Since then, I have gone to having to borrow money to keep insurance on the taxi, to uncertainty I will even be able to make renewal.
Since I came back from my trip to Arizona, it is becoming obvious that I will never be able to leave as long as I keep trying to run my business.
Rental car companies are running specials for $12-$15 per day. UVa sends its buses to the airport to pick students up for free. City buses are reducing their fares and are also running a FREE trolley. How can I compete with free?
There are also two shuttle buses, running illegally so far as I know, because that they do not have commercial for-hire license plates, running large groups around town for $7 a person.
Even though state regulations state that a vehicle insured and registered as a taxicab cannot legally carry more than 6 passengers excluding the driver, there are at least 4 limos that carry from 9-12 passengers on a regular basis operating as taxicabs. I cannot compete with companies that don't do it legally. I have a quote for insurance renewal for $3,600 yearly premium. Why should I spend the money to do it legally when others aren't and are getting away with it?
Not only that, but I am up against two large companies with 50 cars each that rob their drivers blind. Furthermore, these idiots quote low-ball prices and then don't show up to pick their customers up.
Of course, the customer expects me to honor someone else's price, and gets pissed off that I don't. Then they either bitch about what I charge them or they're actually stupid enough to call another taxi and wait 20-30 minutes to save maybe $10-15.
All this really does is confuse customers to the point they don't understand what's fair and what isn't. People can say what they want about pricing myself out of business, as some idiots like to say, but I have noticed you either work a lot for a little money in this business or you work a little for a little money. What's the point? I stopped having fun running my business the moment people started trying to tell me how to run it.
Which brings me to yet another up-and-coming problem. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. An attempt is being made at starting a taxicab association, which has all the earmarks of being a union. Unions have never been anything but trouble in the first place.
Even though neither the city nor the airport is regulating meter rates, these idiots want to establish a common rate, and elect representatives to "deal with the airport". The airport is a private entity, and has already put it in writing and voiced its clause in the ground transportation agreement that it reserves the right to revoke permits and use a primary provider -- any time they choose.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that all these idiots are going to do is piss off the airport authority into telling us all to take a hike, and I will NOT be told how to run MY business when I am the one paying the bills.
I have therefore decided to sell my business by the end of my insurance term next month and go back to delivery or something. It's really hard to come to this decision, but I can't save any money aside the way things are right now. I could always do that delivering.
At least delivering food won't get me accused of being a crook for making less than minimum wage. I know that my selling out and going away is what the big companies want, but I see a time coming when I may go under anyway and walk away with nothing. Better to cash out while I can and at least leave with SOMETHING.
In closing of this decision, I have a few things to say to the general public..... As you idiots are part of the reason for the financial crisis this country is in. No one wants to spend money because the economy is bad, but the economy is bad BECAUSE NO ONE IS SPENDING MONEY!
So, I thank you for refusing service over a few dollars price difference. There is always a difference between ordering a hamburger and filet mignon. If the goods or services you receive are better or more convenient than another company, you should expect to pay a little more.
However, despite my efforts to provide better service, a nicer cab, and a better overall experience, it is quite clear that most patrons will ride a Sherman tank if you can get them there cheaper.
I also thank you for perpetuating a bad economy by choosing to spend your money with big businesses instead of smaller ones that need your business so much more. Remember, that bigger company you choose was once a small one too.
More food for thought -- So many are enraged with the Supreme Court decision that corporations can make as many political contributions they want, and in any amount they want. This basically spells it out that the federal government is for sale to the highest bidder, and many people say that they are angered by this. But YOU are empowering this by not choosing small business! And usually over a few dollars. You're doing it to yourselves.
Part of the reason smaller businesses are not always around to serve you is because you are not using them until the bigger businesses are too busy to serve you quickly. So have fun supporting corporate greed, you sell out the little guy every time you do it.
I should have seen this coming. In 2006, I had a reasonable amount of money saved. I burned through a third of that in six months, at which point I barely had enough to replace my taxi when it died. Since then, I have gone to having to borrow money to keep insurance on the taxi, to uncertainty I will even be able to make renewal.
Since I came back from my trip to Arizona, it is becoming obvious that I will never be able to leave as long as I keep trying to run my business.
Rental car companies are running specials for $12-$15 per day. UVa sends its buses to the airport to pick students up for free. City buses are reducing their fares and are also running a FREE trolley. How can I compete with free?
There are also two shuttle buses, running illegally so far as I know, because that they do not have commercial for-hire license plates, running large groups around town for $7 a person.
Even though state regulations state that a vehicle insured and registered as a taxicab cannot legally carry more than 6 passengers excluding the driver, there are at least 4 limos that carry from 9-12 passengers on a regular basis operating as taxicabs. I cannot compete with companies that don't do it legally. I have a quote for insurance renewal for $3,600 yearly premium. Why should I spend the money to do it legally when others aren't and are getting away with it?
Not only that, but I am up against two large companies with 50 cars each that rob their drivers blind. Furthermore, these idiots quote low-ball prices and then don't show up to pick their customers up.
Of course, the customer expects me to honor someone else's price, and gets pissed off that I don't. Then they either bitch about what I charge them or they're actually stupid enough to call another taxi and wait 20-30 minutes to save maybe $10-15.
All this really does is confuse customers to the point they don't understand what's fair and what isn't. People can say what they want about pricing myself out of business, as some idiots like to say, but I have noticed you either work a lot for a little money in this business or you work a little for a little money. What's the point? I stopped having fun running my business the moment people started trying to tell me how to run it.
Which brings me to yet another up-and-coming problem. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. An attempt is being made at starting a taxicab association, which has all the earmarks of being a union. Unions have never been anything but trouble in the first place.
Even though neither the city nor the airport is regulating meter rates, these idiots want to establish a common rate, and elect representatives to "deal with the airport". The airport is a private entity, and has already put it in writing and voiced its clause in the ground transportation agreement that it reserves the right to revoke permits and use a primary provider -- any time they choose.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that all these idiots are going to do is piss off the airport authority into telling us all to take a hike, and I will NOT be told how to run MY business when I am the one paying the bills.
I have therefore decided to sell my business by the end of my insurance term next month and go back to delivery or something. It's really hard to come to this decision, but I can't save any money aside the way things are right now. I could always do that delivering.
At least delivering food won't get me accused of being a crook for making less than minimum wage. I know that my selling out and going away is what the big companies want, but I see a time coming when I may go under anyway and walk away with nothing. Better to cash out while I can and at least leave with SOMETHING.
In closing of this decision, I have a few things to say to the general public..... As you idiots are part of the reason for the financial crisis this country is in. No one wants to spend money because the economy is bad, but the economy is bad BECAUSE NO ONE IS SPENDING MONEY!
So, I thank you for refusing service over a few dollars price difference. There is always a difference between ordering a hamburger and filet mignon. If the goods or services you receive are better or more convenient than another company, you should expect to pay a little more.
However, despite my efforts to provide better service, a nicer cab, and a better overall experience, it is quite clear that most patrons will ride a Sherman tank if you can get them there cheaper.
I also thank you for perpetuating a bad economy by choosing to spend your money with big businesses instead of smaller ones that need your business so much more. Remember, that bigger company you choose was once a small one too.
More food for thought -- So many are enraged with the Supreme Court decision that corporations can make as many political contributions they want, and in any amount they want. This basically spells it out that the federal government is for sale to the highest bidder, and many people say that they are angered by this. But YOU are empowering this by not choosing small business! And usually over a few dollars. You're doing it to yourselves.
Part of the reason smaller businesses are not always around to serve you is because you are not using them until the bigger businesses are too busy to serve you quickly. So have fun supporting corporate greed, you sell out the little guy every time you do it.
Vids For Three Of My Favorite Songs......
Videos for three of my favorite songs....... These songs have powerful messages for anyone who has dreams, so check them out.....
Friday, September 4, 2009
More Thoughts On Moving On........
New song I heard recently, "No Surprise" by Daughtry, also #2 on my MySpace profile playlist. I don't usually listen to radio. However, I am driving my van a bit to test it before I make it a taxi and it only has an AM-FM radio. I've been hearing this song on the radio the last few weeks and thought it was Nickleback (sorry Chris!).
I like this song for a lot of different reasons than the song was written, one being that I wish I had written it. It sounds a little like something I might have written on one of my better days..... LOL.
Listening to it, it really speaks to me and my state of mind lately, especially the second chorus lyrics:
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed 'til today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah, you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we will find this was no surprise......
There is so much in this song that speaks to me, about things both from my past and my present. I know everything happens for a reason, but I had at least two golden opportunities to leave this town over 10 years ago. The official video for this song and others are in a newer post entitled "Vids For Three Of My Favorite Songs".
Unfortunately, I saw a lot of dumb-ass reasons to stay, and I let this influence my decisions. I've come to find most of those "reasons" not only WEREN'T really reasons to stay, but most of them betrayed me at some point, which has ultimately influenced and affected my happiness.
I've thought for a long time that I'm not where I need to be, and the past few years have only compounded that feeling. I also know that at the tender age of 33, there are things that I want to get out and see before I am too old to.
I like this song for a lot of different reasons than the song was written, one being that I wish I had written it. It sounds a little like something I might have written on one of my better days..... LOL.
Listening to it, it really speaks to me and my state of mind lately, especially the second chorus lyrics:
It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed 'til today
There's nothing here in this heart left to borrow
There's nothing here in this soul left to say
Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah, you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we will find this was no surprise......
There is so much in this song that speaks to me, about things both from my past and my present. I know everything happens for a reason, but I had at least two golden opportunities to leave this town over 10 years ago. The official video for this song and others are in a newer post entitled "Vids For Three Of My Favorite Songs".
Unfortunately, I saw a lot of dumb-ass reasons to stay, and I let this influence my decisions. I've come to find most of those "reasons" not only WEREN'T really reasons to stay, but most of them betrayed me at some point, which has ultimately influenced and affected my happiness.
I've thought for a long time that I'm not where I need to be, and the past few years have only compounded that feeling. I also know that at the tender age of 33, there are things that I want to get out and see before I am too old to.
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