And In Other News....

I realized I have not mentioned the situation with the girl I met up with over the summer, mainly because I have been sifting through the wreckage for about two months now. We'll call her Mary.

The trouble is, it's not even "Mary" that really has me down. There were signs that things were not going to last long with her even before she started asking me for a relationship. I've come to find that sometimes age DOES matter, from a responsibility and maturity standpoint.

She destroyed my trust not long after she asked me for a relationship, and despite giving her some time to get my trust back, she failed. Not long after, I found that someone else I had wanted in the first place, had told me she wasn't interested, when she really was. We'll call this girl Jill. Jill then told me she was interested but couldn't go further with me because of my involvement with Mary. I can only vaguely understand this position, because she had every chance to tell me how she felt, and it never would have happened.

However, being the type to never say die, I tried for awhile to convince Jill to overlook Mary's prior involvement. On one or two occasions, I thought I might have changed her mind, but both times, she let me down.

Maybe she didn't intend to, but Jill got my hopes up and crushed them twice more. I have now given up, and feel like a fool for even trying, but my feelings for her were much stronger than I thought, and I'm torn between believing her apology and thinking that it was all a game. Once, I can forgive. Four times is much harder.

Bob Marley, aside from his music, is famous for saying, among other things, "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." But how can you know if ANYONE is?

One of my favorite quotes is from the 2004 remake of "Flight Of The Phoenix". One of the best lines is, "I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can't give him that, just give him something to DO."

As of now, I am heartbroken, my dreams of scoring a recording/publishing deal are all but dead, and I am jobless. So what do I do now?

The Truth About Males And Females......

Okay..... I am a big fan of the "Jay And Silent Bob" movies. For the uninitiated, these include: MallRats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Clerks, Clerks II, and Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back, and perhaps another one or two that don't come to mind at the moment.

My favorite of all of them is Clerks Part II, for a multitude of reasons. My favorite scene in the movie didn't start out that way. At first I thought it was pretty fucked up. But the more I learn, the more I live, the more I see it is true. The two relative roles in the movie are those of Dante' and Becky. Food for thought.... here's a link to the scene.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK7jM55NCu4

In case the link does not work... the lines that say it all:

Becky: I do think that marriage goes against our basic nature.

Dante: To be loved?

Becky: No..... to FUCK as much as possible, spread the seed around and keep the species going. Flowers, cards, candy, relationships, marriage, that's all stuff the corporations dreamed up to keep the economy going.

Dante: Are you saying you don't believe in love, Beckalah?

Becky: No. Like, I love my car. I love my parents, I love you. But "true love"? "There's only one person out there that's right for me?" Come ON. Do you know how many people there ARE out there? Chances are, there's someone out there that's a better match for you than the one you wind up with.

Dante: So you're saying that based on your theory, there's someone out there that's better for me than Emma?

Becky: Oh, no. I'm not touching THAT one.

And the more I live, the more I learn, the more truth I begin to see in this. Personally, I believe at this point that no matter the species, males and females are put on this earth for the following reasons:

1) To drive each other crazy.

2) To make whatever higher power or being there may or may not be laugh its ass off at us thinking that there is more to it than reason #1.

3) The parts fit together

4) Having a means of reproduction.

I'm not saying that no one will prove me wrong, but it hasn't happened in 12 years :P

Ok, I'm Done.......

After a few recent events and more recent conversations with friends (some rather blunt, others philosophical), I have decided that I am wasting my time pursuing a relationship of any sort. Simply put, males and females are simply on this planet to drive each other insane. Oh, yeah, and to make whatever higher power or being there may be laugh their ass off watching us. I'm done.

Funny thing is, I now have a fatal attraction thing going on. Someone has given my cell number to a woman I don't even know, and even though I have told her I'm not even remotely interested, she seems to have this idea now that I need to be "saved" or something. Blah. I don't mind friends, but she's pretty obvious about wanting more than that, and I don't even know her.

I don't want to be rude or hurt anyone's feelings, but I have told this woman I have nothing to offer, and all I can say is she must be REALLY lonely. :P I feel bad for her, but I've warned her repeatedly that I am not interested in pursuing anyone in a relationship. I am okay with a friends with benefits kind of thing, but I seriously doubt I will ever want a real relationship again. :P