Who Wants To Smoke Some Crack?

It's getting to be about that time when replacing my taxi cab is very prudent, in terms of cost efficiency and image maintenance. The ol' Merc hasn't been a bad car (though not without its problems), but it tripped 223,000 miles this week, and it's time for it to go.

Probably quite a bit of life left in it as a personal car, as I did service and maintain this car regularly. But as a taxicab, I foresee it costing way too much to keep running .

So, as any normal InterNet savvy person would do, I have searched eBay Motors and Craigslist for a replacement car. I found a Craigslist listing for a 2000 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor for $1800 and called the fellow on it.

Keep in mind that these cars are sold in this price range at auctions all the time between $1500-$2500 for average condition with minor dings and scratches, but still an otherwise decent, and turnkey car. The reason Crown Victorias are popular in the taxicab industry is they have a lot of room, they are usually pretty inexpensive, and get decent fuel mileage for their size. These are BIG cars.

Crown Vics explained: Looking at the VIN number, a series of numbers will say P71, P72, P73 or P74. This is the trim level of the car, as some look alike, and many visual things interchange.

P71 - Full pursuit Police Interceptor package, very popular among cabbies. Fast and usually reliable, these have upgraded cooling, brakes, suspension, and drivetrain to make them hold up better in severe duty use, such as taxicabs or police work.

P72 - Taxi / Police Package. These have everything included in the P71. Some have more luxurious appointments (cloth seats vs vinyl etc) and the P72 has a limiter in the engine controls to cut the fuel back at high speeds, which is also in the P73 and P74.

P73 - This is a base Crown Victoria. Usually a very few options.

P74 - LX package, usually includes nice options like leather seats, automatic climate control, digital dash, moonroof, etc.

He said just last night (and I quote) "Oh, yeah, car runs and drives great, nothing wrong with it, I just need to sell it because we're moving."

Taking him at his word, I drove nearly 70 miles one way to look at this car. I was less than impressed.

The first thing I noticed was the cracked windshield. This car already will not pass state safety inspection as-is.

The next things I noticed were the various scuffs and scratches along the entire body.

The next thing I noticed was the small chunk broken out of a trim panel on the trunklid and impression in the bumper casing where the car had backed into something. Lovely.

The next thing I noticed was a hastily done spray-can paint job on the header panel, indicating the car had been in a front-end collision.

I thought, "Eighteen hundred dollars seems a little high, but if there's nothing else wrong with it...." So I flipped open my cell phone and called the seller and had them meet me at the car so that I could test drive it.

With the engine running, it was readily apparent that either the power steering pump or the transmission internal pump was about to fail, judging by the loud growling and whining from under the hood. It was indeed a P71, but this car needs a LOT of work.

Driving the car, it had a pronounced pull to the driver's side. I am getting more disgusted by the minute.

Last but not least, one of the rear doors does not open from the inside. This is not abnormal for a police-spec Crown Vic, as many are ordered this way to prevent you from escaping the rear of the cruiser. But it is something that must be remedied in order to make it a taxicab. This is a $1500 car, maybe. IF nothing else is wrong with it.

The person that showed me the car was not the one I spoke to last night, otherwise I would have had a few very choice words for wasting my time, my fuel, and not giving an honest description of the car. I don't expect perfection for $1800, but this car needs at least $2000 worth of work done to it before I can make it a taxicab.

And as if this wasn't enough.......

Coming back from this debacle, I found another place that had 4 or 5 Police Interceptors. One was extremely nice, a 2004 with a fresh transmission. I was told I could get it for $3600, which was reasonable for a 2004, but I don't quite have that much to play with just yet. On to the older cars.....

A 2000 they had ran pretty decent, but I spotted a telltale sign that the engine had been replaced.

Crown Victorias had an all-plastic intake manifold from 1996-1998, and into 1999 when it was changed. This is due to the fact that the plastic could not take the pressure of a 200-degree cooling system at 16 psi of pressure. Late 1999s had a revised intake that had a cast aluminum coolant area. This car was a 2000, but had the all-plastic intake, making it obvious the engine was from a '96-'99 model.

Given that the 2004 was available for $3600, what do you think the price was for a 2000 with 166,000 miles on the odometer, an engine with unknown mileage with a critical engine part that is known to fail, the rear doors being inoperable from the inside, and needing substantial cleaning? $3000!!!

I left on that note, thinking, "These people have lost their frigging mind!"

Who the hell pays $3000 for a 9-year old car that has "severe duty" written all over it? I might as well get a van.